In this week’s MSLD521 blog I reflect on Chapters 4-6 of Messages and identify how I might use
the information in these reading to improve my ability to communicate with
sincerity and congruence. I’ll also share with you a recent incident where my
body language was not congruent with the message I was trying to send and how
it made me feel.
My Key Takeaways from Messages, Chapter 4
thru 6
Much of what I read in McKay, Davis and Fanning (2009),
Chapters 4 thru 6 was not new information, but I did key in on some information
I thought I might be able to use and improve my communication skills.
Congruence of the Words with
Body Language
I feel I have mastered
this area of communication. When you listen, part of listening is watching body
language. A skilled communicator not only listens and watches body language,
but is cognizant of their own message congruence. Honestly I do not recall any
instances where my message was confusing based on either the quality of my
voice or body language as compared to the words I was delivering. There is one
co-worker who does not blink while I’m speaking and sometimes it causes me to
be uncomfortable because this is a form of communication that does not seem
natural and spontaneous. While the starring is occurring, it is possible my
body language and my words are not congruent during this time. This has only
recently been happening and I believe there is a hidden agenda behind the
staring. If I had to pick one of the eight agendas, I would pick “I’m good” because
as McKay, Davis and Fanning (2009) suggest “someone who lives here doesn't trust
others with the parts less than great.” (p. 81). And I sense he doesn’t trust
what I am saying.
Elements of Paralanguage
I recognize that I am
the type of speaker who needs to be cognizant of how I am communicating
practically all the time. If I do not, I run the risk of becoming too monotone
and I can easily put my listeners to sleep. In addition sometimes I need to
pick up the tempo. I notice this when people become anxious to respond and
sometimes do not let me finish a particular thought. This really isn’t a good
excuse for interrupting someone, but certainly there are times when I could
help my co-workers out a little and pick up the pace of my explanation. Finally,
at times I have a tendency to not articulate a few words. I make a very conscious
effort to articulate what I feel are important concepts or instructions with
whom the communication is directed at, but sometimes I forget to switch from a
casual mode of communication to a more business-like approach. Reading chapters
about the elements of paralanguage reminded me of my communications weaknesses
and they are now documented in my journal.
Metamessages
I have a
co-worker who uses meta-messaging on a daily basis and after reading what McKay,
Davis and Fanning (2009) recommend, I feel more confident about my ability to communicate
more effectively with this person and not allow him to have the upper hand by
repeating his message back to him his message to get clarity “Say out loud what
you think the metamessage is, and ask if that’s what the person really thinks
or feels.” (p. 78). I’ve also added this to my journal.
Spatial Relationships
I found
reviewing the material on special relationships very helpful in addressing a
situation with a co-worker who feels like it is okay to crowd my personal
space. At first I thought maybe I was being too sensitive, but after reviewing
the special relationship illustration found on page 67 of McKay, Davis and
Fanning (2009) I felt vindicated about my feelings he invades my space. It only
happens when we have a conference call and he has to squeeze into my cube to
get the speaker on my phone. What I found odd was not that he was trying to position
himself for a better communication experiences, but that he doesn’t ask if he
can “come into” my space. I’ll be better prepared next time so I don’t need to
rub elbows with him and reposition my phone.
8 Hidden Agendas
Of
the 8 hidden agendas there are really on two I feel I should work on (the
others I pretty aware of, or so I think). “You’re good and I’m not” is one that
I do notice I use to “butter” someone up, but I never use it out of insincerity.
When I use it, I don’t mean to imply I’m not good…I’m just recognizing the individual’s
skills at doing something really good and they recognizing that they are the
best at it. The one that I should take more care with is the “I’m good” hidden
agenda. I’ve been in aviation over 30 years. I’ve been troubleshooting aircraft
for almost the same length of time. I’m good at what I do and I’m not bashful
about it. I carry an air of confidence about me that if I’m not careful could
be seen as arrogant if the person I’m speaking to doesn’t know me. I have to
remain cognizant of that when I speak to people about my profession.
References:
McKay, M., Davis, M. & Fanning,
P. (2009). Messages: The communication skills book. Oakland,
CA: NewHarvinger Publications, Inc.
